An Ode to Jasmine in All of Her Glory

Standard

I legitimately TORTURE myself with my thoughts. I go over, and over and OVER things a million times trying to understand them or take something from them that isn’t there to take. I’m doing that right now with some texts that I should delete. They’re texts that should not have happened. This person should not have texted me but more than that I should not have replied.

You want to know the funny thing about some people? When they have the chance to listen to you and do right by you they seem to fail no matter how many chances that they’re given. It is when you’ve finally had enough that they come around and try to appease you. But the gag is (in my Keke Palmer voice) – one day it is simply too late. Nothing can appease you. You have to appease yourself and let go of that situation and/or that person and let the universe deal with them but even better let IT have YOU. The other day was my day — the day I got these texts.

I know I should delete them because they are poisonous to the soul. Searching for something that you aren’t going to find is poisonous. It is torturous. It will drive you mad. Going over something a million times KNOWING that it is what it is but expecting something different in other words is the definition of insanity. It’s crazy, but when it comes to a situation like this you almost find comfort in the crazy. It is masochism in its simplest form.

However, this is the other gag: I’ve found something else in these messages that I didn’t expect to find anywhere anytime soon: strength. I’ve found the base that was missing from a voice that I just recently started using. I found the Aries in me that I’ve always felt I lacked even being born on April 3rd. I found it in me to not only let go of something but to let go of someone that has been around since I was 12 years old because it struck me that I could no longer let them suck so much of my joy away. I’ve given too much and have received nothing but empty promises, unanswered texts and a couple of broken hearts.

In this, I have found the road to ME in all of my glory. How poetic that the person that I felt I honestly couldn’t  live without whether as a friend or as something more showed me that I wasn’t living at all? How poetic, indeed.

So this, this is an ode to the girl that loves her friends and her family so much that she tears up thinking about it. This is an ode to the girl that has made a thousand mistakes but knows she is going to make a thousand more before its all said and done. This is an ode to the girl that has put herself down so many times before but has started to pick herself up because she realizes that no one else is going to. This is an ode to the girl that now knows that SHE herself has to be her biggest fan. This is an ode to the girl who thought she was NEVER going to make it through her senior year of college but did and is now applying to grad schools. This is an ode to the girl that has replaced her fears and doubts with confidence and willpower. This is an ode to the black girl magic that I so proudly practice. This is an ode to the girl that loves HARD but is learning to love herself even harder.

This is an ode to me.

As promised…

Standard

…I’m back 🙂

Of course it’s 10:41 p.m. here so I literally had an hour and 19 minutes left to make good on my promise but better late than never.

SO

Here it goes: We’re back to fitspo for the day because I did a vegan grocery haul! YAY. I already put away all of the food and what not so I’m going to take a photo in the morning when I meal prep before work. I’m super excited because tomorrow I am starting the 21 Day Fix – finally. I’ve been wanting to try this for probably a good nine months to about a year now. If you don’t know what the 21 day fix is, here is a link to a webpage that explains what it is. I will go more in-depth tomorrow when I post about my first day on the plan and what I chose to eat. If you couldn’t already tell, I am choosing to complete this plan COMPLETELY vegan. Therefore you won’t see any meat, dairy or any other animal products in anything that I post during the next three weeks – not even honey.

I honestly wish that I would have gone ahead and started this a while back, but I’m choosing to do so now as I leave for Miami six weeks from tomorrow. (Yikes! It’s so close!) Due to the life changes that I’ve recently gone through as well as sheer laziness, I have gained back most of the weight that I lost earlier in the year which does suck BUT there is no time like the present to get back on track. I know I won’t lose a ton before my trip, but I just want to kick-start it because of course once I return from Miami I will still be continuing with my weight loss journey and just a healthy lifestyle journey in general.

All in all, I feel like things are finally coming together in my life and there will now be some consistency in all areas whether it’s my health, my finances or something else, and I am so beyond happy and grateful for that. 2017 really is my year. I can feel it. I’m following the steps of my 2017 Happiness Project and I can’t wait to get that posted for you guys. I know I’ve mentioned it at least once or twice, but THIS WEEK I will have it posted. Be on the lookout because it’ll be up no later than Saturday at 11:59 p.m. Haha.

Also today I took a long, hard look and my finances and man…*shakes head*

Being an adult SUCKS when it comes to money, but budgeting does help. I will be posting about my simple budgeting techniques soon as well because I declare that 2017 is the year that I get my financial house in order (you know, being that it’s my year and all). I have credit card debt, students loans to pay back, rent, phone bill, energy bill, YOU NAAAAAME IT (5 points if you get the reference lmfao)!

Soooooooo that is just a quick update of what I have coming up for you all for sure this time. The 2017 Happiness Project post will be up no later than Saturday night as to make it onto The Gems of Jas by the end of this week. I’m pretty sure my finance post will tie in with that one somehow some way as being financially stable is definitely a BIG part of some people’s happiness. At least I know it is for mine in particular. You will be getting information about what I’m eating and the workouts that I’m doing as was promised way back in one of my earlier posts. I am finally BACK and better than ever 🙂 With that being said, I am also beyond tired as I’ve been up since 8 a.m. It’s 11:12 p.m. now and I have to be up early to get a workout in before my dentist appointment which is right before work.

Goodnight my lovelies.

xoxo – jas.

Song of the Day: Bad and Boujee – Migos ft. Lil Uzi Vert

Quote of the Day: “Successful people are not gifted; they just work hard, then succeed on purpose.”          – G.K. Nielson